There is no official confirmation on the facts, but there is still a god chance that the following story is a true one. The confidential document has leaked to Internet, most likely through one of the WikiLeaks channels. This job application was submitted by an elderly retired gentleman aged 74, to a national DIY retailer in Ipswich, Suffolk, UK. Word is that they have employed him. I would personally hire the guy for his fresh insight, non-traditional approach, and honesty.
The document is published as is, but the name of the applicant has been changed to protect the guy’s identity. I hope you do not mind. If you are a hiring manager, and would like to have this guy on board, do not bother, as he has been already hired.
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
£150,000 [$295,000 USD] a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It was a crap job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes, absolutely.