Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Funny Retirement Poems by Angela Rose

Enjoy It

Congratulations on a job well done.
You may be retiring, but you’re still number one.
Now every day, you’ll get to sleep in late.
Is that the early bird special on your plate?

This place won’t be the same without you.
Just thinking about it makes us all feel blue.
But think of the fun that’s within your sight,
you can take the misses out to party all night.

Retirement is just the next step in your life.
I sure hope you like spending time with your wife.
Maybe you can stop back in and see us some day.
"Don’t be a stranger," we say to you, okay?

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Discounts

Now that you are a retiree,
think of all the discounts you’ll see.
You can go to the movies for less than the rest.
With early bird specials, you’re sure to be blessed.

Zoo entrance is yours at a reduced price.
Museums also discounted, retirees to entice.
As a senior citizen, you’ll be treated like royalty.
Because of your free time, they all want your loyalty.

Weekly paychecks may be a thing of the past.
But if you are frugal, your savings should last.
All of the discounts will surly assist.
Just make sure you stay off those credit card mailing lists.

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Now

Now that you’ve retired, are you going to move somewhere warm?
I’ve heard Florida is nice, if you don’t mind their springtime storms.
Of course a move down there will mean you have to forget how to drive.
With all the retirees on the roads, no one makes it out alive.

Now that you’ve retired, are you going to take up shuffleboard?
I’ve heard it’s a popular pastime with most of the retirement hoard.
They also enjoy bocce and the occasional game of rummy.
With the rest of the old folks, you can become quite chummy.

Now that you’ve retired, are you going to eat real early?
It’s a well-known fact, they must eat by four, or a retiree gets surly.
You’ll also have to develop a taste for all-you-can-eat buffets.
And learn to bore everyone you meet with stories of the good old days.

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Now That You’re Leaving

Now that you’re leaving, can I have your cube?
I hope that my asking doesn’t make me a boob.
Your cube is really much nicer than mine.
But you know me, I don’t whine.

Now that you’re leaving, can I have your parking spot?
Yours is so much closer than the one that I have got.
I have coveted it forever, though silently it’s true.
I’m certain that you never had a clue.

Now that you’re leaving, can I have your computer?
I hope you don’t think that I’m acting like a looter.
My PC is slow and takes an hour or more to boot.
But happy retirement, here is some fruit.

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I’ve Heard

I’ve heard that retirement is often quite boring.
Unless you enjoy spending afternoons snoring.
With no one to answer to, and no place to be,
you might as well float out to sea.

I’ve heard that retirement often leads to death.
Not just ‘cause you’re old and often out of breath.
But because you’re so bored and no longer have drive.
I guess you should enjoy these last days you’re alive.

I’ve heard that retirement means no more spending.
There goes all of that money you’re lending.
I recently did some gambling, and had a losing streak.
Do you mind if I pay back what I owe you next week?

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